The fact of the matter is that I am a natural dominant. That doesn’t mean, however, that I was born a natural leader or that I knew how to ride this beast from the start. Quite frankly, I am not certain I should consider myself yet a pro at this dominance,…thingy.
Things got better over time, but there were times that it used to completely drive me instead. Shamefully, I was bossy, domineering, controlling, and manipulative to say the least. It was bigger than me.
Couldn’t help it. My thrill was doing it simply because I could and was able to get away with it. Yet had no malice; it was purely out of ignorance. Okay…okay, for the most part.
That attitude towards life quickly sent me into the danger zone and into the arms of someone even more dominant than me with a malignant agenda. For the most part, life went down the hill from there. Survived but to what end anyway, I still wonder sometimes. I am not getting out of this alive anyway.
Fast forward now, I finally feel comfortable with my natural character and personality. All of it, not only a dominant side. I not only accept myself with all its sharp edges, but I can securely and bravely be myself. Yet, I am vulnerable.
I employ my natural dominance skills into my BDSM play, but I am still human before I am a fetishist. That will never evolve. Meaning, all my personal relationships need to be based on more than just kink, regardless.
I am still not free from error. I can sometimes still be bossy, domineering, controlling, and manipulative. My major struggle at the moment is with conflict resolution but my care, honesty, confidence, and sound judgment helps me along the way. This time, however, I am in control and do my best not to let it control me.
What drove me deeper into the rabbit hole is the DISCIPLINE and CONSENT.
That is what keeps my beast tamed and caged. I get to take her out for a walk often and oh boy, it feels spectacular, but she has to come back being locked-up. The Madam is a heck of a Queen Warrior. She is weary and tired but would always be glad to come out to play in my terms.
Wait...what?! Not useful for you?!
Let Me improve this post.
Ugh - Tell Me, how could I improve this post?