Kink-wise and vanilla-wise it has been a long journey full of mixed emotions for me. Let’s not separate this. It is a life experience altogether without categorizing.
Along the way, I have had also a mixture of romantic, sexual, or erotic experiences with a different type of men and women from diverse backgrounds.
Overall, I feel grateful for all of these connections but I can’t help but also feel at the same time very old, exhausted with sweet-bitter nostalgia.
Rolling with the changes
Unfortunately, for one reason or another and in most cases for situations beyond my control, I am no longer in contact with them. Sometimes I have a hard time getting out of my own head and I think of them. Each one of them! For our exclusive case, I start to miss the connection even though is not possible to have any longer or to stay in touch for whatever the reason.
Trying hard to keep accepting life in its terms, not mine.
I will go on living as I have before, for sure. I do miss most, however, the subs and slaves who have served me along the way. A few that I wish with all my might that we are still actually together and sharing this journey.
I’m deeply saddened and conflicted by this longing today. All that I would like to do is keep pouring tears. Bittersweet tears of blood. I am that passionate about my personal relationships. Once someone is a key part of my life, whatever happens, I take it at heart.
Maybe. Just maybe.
Maybe someday someone that I also want to, will stay unconditionally. Meanwhile, I’m heartbroken and lonelier than ever but pretending that I’m not.
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